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Ayurvedic practitioner

By Nidhi Pandya

Ayurvedic practitioner

Nidhi Pandya is a third-generation Ayurvedic practitioner based in New York City. Nidhi has been an international teacher, coach, and speaker. She writes for various publications and is a faculty at the Shakti School.

Image by Flamingo Images / Stocksy

January 23, 2023

Identifying your doshic dominance will probably revolutionize not only what you eat but also how you live and feel. And the same dosha theory could produce similar results when applied to relationships and dating.

Ayurveda, the science of life coined by Indian Vedic scientists a few thousand years ago, identified a profound yet simple method to understand bio-individuality. 

Much like the universe, all functions in the human body serve one of three purposes: building, transformation, and elimination/movement. In Ayurvedic terminology, these would correspond to the three doshas:

• Kapha: Elements that are building and grounding (grounded and heavy)
• Pitta: Elements that are warming and transforming (hot and intense)
• Vata: Elements that support movement and elimination (very windy)

The proportion of these doshas would then determine the unique body-mind make-up of an individual’s physical body and mental being. Kaphas like to build more than anything, Pittas use heat to transform, and Vatas may move and deplete more than build or transform.

How we feel, interact, process trauma, retain attention, and even show up in romantic relationships could be heavily influenced by the dosha that dominates our minds (which could differ from the dosha predominant in the body). Understanding our doshic mental makeup can help us better navigate relationships.

Read on to discover which mental dosha you are dominant in and how to work with it in love and dating.

These are etheric, go-with-the-flow beings who fall deeply in love—often many times. After all, mobility is part of their core. They are funny, keep the relationship exciting, and will go on almost any adventure with you. Vatas don’t take too many things too seriously and are full of life. Life with them can be fun and easy if you learn to be the sweater to their wind.

In dating and relationships, Vatas will want to use breathwork, journaling, and meditation to stay grounded. Dancing is also a great way to reset. Set realistic expectations with your partner (i.e., tell them that you may need help organizing your space and time). If anxiety starts to build up, resist the impulse to act immediately. Instead, go for a massage, sleep it out, or exercise.

Vatas are delightful, lighthearted, and funny in their own way. Their partners must keep things exciting to keep them in the game. Slow down and make eye contact to ensure that all communication is effective. Trying to get Vatas to be more organized and punctual may be futile. But if you can be the steady force that grounds the wind in Vata, you have both won.

If you choose to move in with your Vata partner, don’t be surprised if they are not the most meticulous roommates. You may find their belongings lying everywhere as they usually have limited faculty to organize. On a positive note, Vatas are not picky, so you can always have dibs on everything: the side of the bed, what to eat, where to vacation, and even the home décor. But you must be warned here that, as a team, you may show up late to almost everything. Vatas are so on the move that they may not stop to see the clock.

Embrace their zest and be prepared to follow. When your life partner starts to feel like your business partner, communicate—and do it when they are not engrossed in a task. Let your dates go beyond dinner; plan nature walks, visits to the art museums, foot massages, and sound baths. It may often seem that your partner’s opinions are the loudest, but they will listen if you tell them how much something means to you. So give it a try! When Pittas love you, they will push you out of your comfort zone and be your greatest mentor.

Living with your Pitta partner may make you more efficient yourself. They sleep no more than they need to, mean what they say, organize for efficiency rather than obsession, and plan their outings to a tee. If you can get past their intensity, they are great partners in the game of life. 

Kaphas love love. They are steady, deep, and loyal lovers who are the best at holding long-term relationships, sometimes even long after their expiration date. They are grounded, calm beings who love their comfort zones. 

In relationships, Kaphas must be aware of their tendency to shut down and shut others out. Be sure to keep yourself stimulated, exercise, and try new things—even if they are in the safe company of your partner. Expressing your needs and feelings can be difficult, but it serves you in the long term. Couples’ therapy may be beneficial for you and your partner.

If your partner is a Kapha, it’s important to identify their patterns and sensitivities. Honor them. Work around them. If you can get them to open up and keep resentment in check, they will be your soul mate for life. 

The Container store was built by a Kapha for a Kapha. While their homes are usually aesthetically delightful to the world, their meticulousness can feel overwhelming to their partners. Kaphas can also be quite the hoarders, especially when they are feeling insecure. You may never get to try their side of the bed or sit on their chair. They hold on to their space. And their slow response times can take some getting used to. But overall, their pace and steadiness make them the intensely faithful beings they are.